I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
