my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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