i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
