Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
