the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
