You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
