I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
