I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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