im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
