Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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