You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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