Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
