Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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