I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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