oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
