Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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