Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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