people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
