if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
