Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
