So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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