Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
