i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
