he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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