I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
