Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
