We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
