seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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