My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
