better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
