I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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