he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
