You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
