Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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