He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
