apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
