Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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