she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
