sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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