I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
