Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
