Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
