I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
