took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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