so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
