So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
