What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just threw up on my dentist
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
