I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
