She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
