I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
