So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
