so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
