I wish I could teleport
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
